i’m unsure… and scared.

i think i like someone and things aren’t supposed to be this way and i am so upset, ughgufhnk. i also broke my glasses so i can’t see/type/read very well. everything sucks, ugh.

i hate that i write this during very, very tough times or whenever i need to rant and i just wish i could just tell someone how i feel, how that each night, sleeping was my last and how every breath i took was the last of my soul leaving my body. i want to let everyone know that they don’t have to deal with me anymore.

if i wanted to commit suicide, i’d have it secret and it won’t hurt lots, i already have enough hurt while living, i want it to be long though, but no suffering. i want to recall all the memories i had while i enjoyed life and the memories i had when i particularly didn’t quite enjoy life. i also want my death to be public, display it for all to see. to show that life could be precious for only so long. it’s either life or death.

about the liking someone part, i just,,,, gnfngjanga, ugh! i hate crushes, i tend to  be around them a lot. either annoying them or them actually enjoying my company. i hate getting crushes, i want to not have anymore, i want an actual relationship, but,,, , , that won’t happen any time soon. no one likes a self-hating whale who likes to think they’re talented and are actually just really weird and dye their hair a lot who also don’t shower for days on end because they don’t even have the energy to get up in the morning.

i hate that i’m like this, i don’t know why i’m like this and i’m sorry for bringing it out on you guys.


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